Monday, December 21, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Fun Fact
By most accounts, the profession of information consulting (by individuals who aren’t librarians or corporate researchers) was started by Sue Rugge in 1971, making it a field just more than 30 years old.
Monday, March 9, 2009
I know times are tough.....
I know times are tough for a lot of people - but please expect the challenges to increase your ability to “see” opportunities - not diminish them. --Dan Miller
To all of my Twitter followers, if you haven't ever visited Dan Miller's blog, or his website, take the time to stop by today. He has some great information that is especially relevant for today's tough economy. Dan isn't on Twitter yet,--think I will have to try to convince him....
--"No Boxes"
To all of my Twitter followers, if you haven't ever visited Dan Miller's blog, or his website, take the time to stop by today. He has some great information that is especially relevant for today's tough economy. Dan isn't on Twitter yet,--think I will have to try to convince him....
--"No Boxes"
Making Money and Marriages
March 2, 2009 by Dan Miller
Here is the sequence for successful selling - of anything.
These are all examples of inexperience and missing the critical first two steps of selling. With no trust and no identification of the need, there will be no sale.
Years ago, on the first day of my sophomore year at Ohio State University, my friends and I were watching the new batch of freshman girls arrive. Upon seeing Joanne (17 and gorgeous), I quickly asked for someone who could introduce me - a trusted friend of hers. While walking with her briefly I noticed she was struggling to hold her books while putting a notice on the community bulletin board. I offered to post the notice and saw that she was asking for a ride to school from her home on the other side of town. I kindly offered to supply that ride - just for a couple of days until she found someone to bring her regularly (ha). Six months later, having charmed her with my simple farm boy ways, I asked her to marry me.
On March 23rd we will celebrate 41 wonderful years of marriage. I’m glad I understood the process of effective selling. I developed trust and rapport, identified multiple needs, presented the product (me) and closed the most important deal of my life.
Only an idiot would walk up to a girl and begin the conversation by asking her to marry him. You have to go through the process of selling. In the same way, no one who understands selling would blast masses of people with some business deal without first understanding their needs and desires.
If you need a job - you have a product to sell (you). If you are starting a business - you have a product or service to sell. If you have a job and want to keep it - you have a product to sell (you) - every day! If you want to find a mate, you have a product to sell.
Understand this process of selling and you can transform your success in any area of your life. It’s not manipulation or deception, just common sense finding a need and filling it.
- Developing rapport and trust - 40% of the process.
- Identifying Needs - 30% of the process.
- Product Presentation - 20% of the process.
- Closing - 10% of the process.
These are all examples of inexperience and missing the critical first two steps of selling. With no trust and no identification of the need, there will be no sale.
Years ago, on the first day of my sophomore year at Ohio State University, my friends and I were watching the new batch of freshman girls arrive. Upon seeing Joanne (17 and gorgeous), I quickly asked for someone who could introduce me - a trusted friend of hers. While walking with her briefly I noticed she was struggling to hold her books while putting a notice on the community bulletin board. I offered to post the notice and saw that she was asking for a ride to school from her home on the other side of town. I kindly offered to supply that ride - just for a couple of days until she found someone to bring her regularly (ha). Six months later, having charmed her with my simple farm boy ways, I asked her to marry me.
On March 23rd we will celebrate 41 wonderful years of marriage. I’m glad I understood the process of effective selling. I developed trust and rapport, identified multiple needs, presented the product (me) and closed the most important deal of my life. Only an idiot would walk up to a girl and begin the conversation by asking her to marry him. You have to go through the process of selling. In the same way, no one who understands selling would blast masses of people with some business deal without first understanding their needs and desires.
If you need a job - you have a product to sell (you). If you are starting a business - you have a product or service to sell. If you have a job and want to keep it - you have a product to sell (you) - every day! If you want to find a mate, you have a product to sell.
Understand this process of selling and you can transform your success in any area of your life. It’s not manipulation or deception, just common sense finding a need and filling it.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
No Cash? Not a Problem If You Can Barter
The New World of Bartering
Natalie Ladd
The Trade Exchange
arter -- the cashless exchange of goods and services -- is enjoying new popularity. Hundreds of Internet sites and barter exchanges around the country let you swap for everything from travel accommodations to dental care. Even people who think they don’t have anything worth bartering might be surprised to find their skills -- perhaps a knack for gardening or interior decorating -- in demand. Here’s how to get started...
ONE-ON-ONE BARTER
How it works: You join a low-cost online barter service, where you can list or respond to offers. Or you can barter on your own by personally contacting people whose goods or services you need.
Best for: Individuals who want to trade occasionally for a specific item or service, such as trading babysitting for lawn services.
Sample savings: A high school tennis coach needed to pay for his daughter’s wedding. The coach went around to local businesses and offered to trade tennis lessons for goods and services. In this way, he was able to get all the flowers for his daughter’s wedding and the alterations to her wedding dress.
Important: Make sure you and your trading partner are bartering at the same value level. You don’t want to trade your goods at wholesale, while he/she is charging you retail prices.
Also, many professionals are willing to barter their labor, but they still might need to charge you in cash for certain fixed costs, such as paying their staff or buying raw materials.
My favorite sites: www.craigslist.org, click on your state, then “Barter” under “For Sale” (free)... www.web-barter.com ($2 to answer a listing/free to place a listing)... www.targetbarter.com ($2.50/transaction for items presumed to be valued under $25... 10% of the transaction for trades valued over $25... free to place a listing).
Drawbacks: You’re limited to trading with people who live nearby -- an optician in New York has little to offer a landscaper in California.
You do all the leg work -- evaluating the quality of goods and services.
There is no governing body with a code of standards or ethics and little recourse, other than small-claims court, if something goes wrong.
TRADE EXCHANGE BARTER
How it works: A barter exchange acts as a broker, a third-party record keeper and, in cases of disputes, a mediator for your transaction.
People who use the service are called “exchange members” and trade in “credits.” (One credit typically equals $1.) Members receive statements monthly. Traders (referred to as “brokers”) who work for an exchange can tap into an international network and put together deals for almost anything.
There are barter exchanges nationwide. You can research them as you would any business. Check the Better Business Bureau for complaints. Make sure the exchange has been in business for at least three years and belongs to a governing body, such as the International Reciprocal Trade Association (585-424-2940, www.irta.com), which has a code of ethics, a peer review board and a certification program for traders.
Resource: To get a state-by-state listing of exchanges, go to www.barternews.com and click on “Barter Contacts.”
Best for: Small-business owners or people looking to trade regularly and save cash for non-tradable items and overhead.
Sample savings: A New England radio station wanted to do an on-air promotion for which it needed 2,000 pairs of socks. The station was willing to barter $1,000 worth of advertising airtime. A trade broker for a national exchange found a local barter exchange in Kansas that had a sock manufacturer among its members. That manufacturer didn’t need radio ad time in New England, so he traded him the socks for a white-water rafting trip offered by one of the exchange’s other members, a travel company in Maine. The travel company used its exchange credits from the deal to purchase the advertising airtime from the radio station.
Drawbacks: Higher costs, including annual dues of $120 and up, and transaction fees (for example, a fee of 6% of the transaction value) each time you buy or sell. You generally need to offer at least $500 worth of goods or services to open a barter account.
TAXES
According to the IRS, barter “income” is treated the same as cash income. You must list the fair market value of goods or services received through barter on your federal tax return, Form 1040, Schedule C.
For federal rules on barter income, call 800-829-1040 or go to www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc420.
| |  | |
Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Natalie Ladd, a certified trade broker and director of The Trade Exchange, based in Portland, Maine, which has been in business for 30 years. The Exchange, which has more than 300 members, brokers barter deals nationwide on goods and services, including auto repairs, bookkeeping, hair styling and medical care. www.thetradeexchange.com
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Programming Yourself For Success
Programming Yourself for Success
By: Brian Tracy
Your mission statement is always written in the present tense, as though you have already become the person that you have described. It is always positive rather than negative. And it is always personal.
Program Yourself Correctly
Your subconscious mind can only accept your mission statement as a set of commands when you phrase it in the present, positive and personal tenses. "I am an exceptional salesperson," is a perfect example. After every sales call, you should quickly reread your mission statement and ask yourself if your recent behavior was more like the person you want to be, or less? As a top sales performer, you are always comparing your sales activities against a high standard and adjusting your activities upward. You're continually striving to be better. Every day in every way, you are deliberately working to become more like the ideal person you have envisioned.
Determine Your Mission Statement
Your goal is that, a year from today, when one of your customers has lunch with one of your prospects, and your prospect asks your customer to describe you in detail as a salesperson, your customer will recite your business mission statement voluntarily. The way you have treated your customer will have been so exemplary that your customer will describe you in the most glowing of terms.
Compare Yourself Against Yourself
Once you have developed a mission statement like this, you can read it, review it, edit it, and upgrade it regularly. You can add additional qualities to it and more clearly define the qualities you've already listed. It becomes your personal credo, your philosophy of life, your statement of beliefs and a guide to your behavior in all your interactions with others. Each day, you can evaluate your behaviors and compare them against the standard that you have set in this statement.
Shape Your Own Personality
Over time, a remarkable thing will happen. As you read and review your personal mission statement, you will find yourself, almost unconsciously, shaping your words and conforming your behaviors so that you are more and more like the ideal person you have defined. People will notice the change in you almost immediately. Over time, you will find that you are actually creating within yourself the kind of character and personality that you most admire in others. You will have become the molder and the shaper of your own personal destiny. After you have applied the ABC Method to your list, you will now be completely organized and ready to get more important things done faster.
Action Exercises
First, imagine that one of your customers was going to meet with one of your prospects. What would you want him to say about you? How could you behave with your customer to assure that he says these things?
Second, talk to yourself positively all the time. Feed your mind with positive messages that describe your goals and the person you want to be.
Master Strategies for Higher Achievement
By: Brian Tracy
Your mission statement is always written in the present tense, as though you have already become the person that you have described. It is always positive rather than negative. And it is always personal.
Program Yourself Correctly
Your subconscious mind can only accept your mission statement as a set of commands when you phrase it in the present, positive and personal tenses. "I am an exceptional salesperson," is a perfect example. After every sales call, you should quickly reread your mission statement and ask yourself if your recent behavior was more like the person you want to be, or less? As a top sales performer, you are always comparing your sales activities against a high standard and adjusting your activities upward. You're continually striving to be better. Every day in every way, you are deliberately working to become more like the ideal person you have envisioned.
Determine Your Mission Statement
Your goal is that, a year from today, when one of your customers has lunch with one of your prospects, and your prospect asks your customer to describe you in detail as a salesperson, your customer will recite your business mission statement voluntarily. The way you have treated your customer will have been so exemplary that your customer will describe you in the most glowing of terms.
Compare Yourself Against Yourself
Once you have developed a mission statement like this, you can read it, review it, edit it, and upgrade it regularly. You can add additional qualities to it and more clearly define the qualities you've already listed. It becomes your personal credo, your philosophy of life, your statement of beliefs and a guide to your behavior in all your interactions with others. Each day, you can evaluate your behaviors and compare them against the standard that you have set in this statement.
Shape Your Own Personality
Over time, a remarkable thing will happen. As you read and review your personal mission statement, you will find yourself, almost unconsciously, shaping your words and conforming your behaviors so that you are more and more like the ideal person you have defined. People will notice the change in you almost immediately. Over time, you will find that you are actually creating within yourself the kind of character and personality that you most admire in others. You will have become the molder and the shaper of your own personal destiny. After you have applied the ABC Method to your list, you will now be completely organized and ready to get more important things done faster.
Action Exercises
First, imagine that one of your customers was going to meet with one of your prospects. What would you want him to say about you? How could you behave with your customer to assure that he says these things?
Second, talk to yourself positively all the time. Feed your mind with positive messages that describe your goals and the person you want to be.
Master Strategies for Higher Achievement
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Speed of Trust
THE VOICE AND SPEED OF TRUST
“Trust is the glue of life. When trust is present, mistakes are forgiven and forgotten.”
--Stephen R. Covey
WHEN WE SEEK TO EXPAND OUR INFLUENCE AND INSPIRE OTHERS TO FIND THEIR VOICE, we move into a world of relationships. Building strong relationships not only requires a character foundation of inner security, abundance and personal moral authority, it also involves stretching ourselves in developing vital new interpersonal skills that will make us equal to the challenges we face with others.
Almost all of the work of the world is done through relationships with people and in organizations. But what is communication like when there is no trust? It’s impossible. It’s like walking through a minefield. What if your communication is clear and precise, yet there is no trust? You’ll always be looking for hidden meanings and a hidden agenda. A lack of trust is the very definition of a bad relationship. In the words of my son Stephen, “Low trust is the great hidden tax.” In fact, this hidden tax is greater than all taxes and interest combined--- hidden and unhidden!
What is communication like when there is high trust? It’s easy; it’s effortless; it’s instantaneous. What about when there is high trust and you make mistakes? They hardly matter. People know you. “Don’t worry about it, I understand.” “Forget it. I know what you mean. I know you.” No technology ever devised can do that. Perhaps, in a sense, this is why the heart is more important than the brain. Someone may be brain-dead, but if their heart is still pumping they live on; when your heart is dead, you’re dead.
As my son Stephen says, “Nothing is as fast as the speed of trust.” It’s faster than anything you can think about. It’s faster than the internet, for when trust is present, mistakes are forgiven and forgotten. Trust is the glue of life. It is the glue that holds organizations, cultures and relationships together. Ironically, it comes from the speed of going slow. With people, fast is slow and slow is fast.
MORAL AUTHORITY AND THE SPEED OF TRUST
Relationships are governed by natural laws. Enduring trust in a relationship cannot be faked, and is rarely produced by a dramatic, one-time effort. It is the fruit of regular actions inspired by the conscience and the heart. In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I introduced a metaphor for trust called the Emotional Bank Account. It is like a financial bank account into which you make deposits and withdrawals---only in this case, you make emotional deposits and withdrawals in your relationships that either build or destroy them. Like any metaphor, it has its limitations. But generally it is a powerful and simple way of communicating the quality of a relationship.
There are 10 key deposits and withdrawals we can make with others that, in my experience, have a profound impact on the level of trust in our relationships. It also lists the sacrifices required and principles embodied in each deposit.
It’s important to recognize that the reason the 10 deposits build trust is that they embody principles central to human relationships. When you study each of those 10 deposits, what would you say are the common elements? I suggest that one common denominator of the deposits is initiative, which is made of willpower and determination. You’ll notice that every one of them lies within your own power to do. Every one of them lies within your own ability to influence. Because they are based on principles, they produce moral authority or trust. You can see how there is no way you can make those deposits, exercise that courage, that initiative, that determination, without the ability to do the “20 emotional personal push-ups” at the personal level.
What is the second common characteristic of the deposits? I suggest it’s the absence of selfishness and the presence of humility. It’s the willingness to subordinate oneself to another person, to a principle, or to a higher cause. It’s realizing that life is not just about me and mine; using the words of the philosopher Martin Buber, it’s about “I and Thou”—feeling profound reverence for the worth and potential of every person.
Moral authority, trust and bonding can evaporate over time in the absence of making continual deposits, particularly with people we work and live around all the time. This is so because their expectations are so much higher. With people we haven’t seen for years, we can often pick up where we left off. The trust and bonding and love are restored immediately because there are simply no expectations of continual depositing.
A third common characteristic is that, like most worthwhile things in life, they require a sacrifice. (Remember, a good definition of sacrifice is giving up something--even something for good—for something better.) If you are already familiar with the emotional bank account, I encourage you to see it here with new eyes and open yourself to new insights that will enable you to find your voice and inspire others to find theirs. You’ll notice that each deposit represents a choice to use your birth gifts in an effort to sacrifice an ineffective personal habit and replace it with an action that builds moral authority in relationships with others.
SEEKING FIRST TO UNDERSTAND
Why would “seek first to understand” be the first deposit? One simple reason: You do not know what a deposit is to another person until you understand them from their frame of reference. What may be high-level deposit to you may be a low-level deposit to another, or even a withdrawal. What may be an important promise to you may be unimportant to another. How you express your honesty, openness, kindness and courtesy may be perceived completely differently when seen by others through their unique cultural or personal filters. While the underlying principles of each deposit hold true in every situation, it requires an understanding of others within their frame of reference to know how to specifically implement the practice.
MAKING AND KEEPING PROMISES
Nothing destroys trust faster than making and breaking a promise. Conversely, nothing builds and strengthens trust more than keeping a promise you make.
It’s easy to make a promise. A promise usually satisfies another quickly—particularly when they are stressed or anxious about something they need you to fix. When they’re happy with the promise, they like you. And we like to be liked.
That which we desire most earnestly we believe most easily. All kinds of people are suckered into deals and agreements because they want something so badly they’ll believe almost any explanation, story or promise of getting it. They turn a blind eye to negative information and go on in their believing.
But promise-keeping is hard. It usually involves a painful sacrificial process—especially when the pleasant promise-making mood passes or when hard realities descend or circumstances change. I’ve trained myself to never (“never say never”) use the word promise unless I’m totally prepared to pay whatever the price is to keep it, especially with my children. They’ve often begged me to say “promise.” Then they would feel at peace knowing I would come through—almost as if they had whatever they wanted now. But, many times I was sorely tempted to say “I promise” just to satisfy them quickly and keep the peace at the moment. “I’ll try” or “it’s my goal” or “I hope to” wouldn’t satisfy. Only “I promise.”
Occasionally, when circumstances outside my control changed, I would ask my children to understand and relieve me of the promise. In most cases they understood and relieved me. But my younger children usually didn’t understand. Even though they said they did and freed me of the promise intellectually, they really didn’t emotionally. So I kept the promise unless it was very unwise to do so. In such cases I would have to temporarily live with the diminished trust and try to rebuild it slowly in other ways.
HONESTY AND INTEGRITY
Basketball coaching legend Rick Pitino captured the principle of honesty simply and profoundly: “Lying makes a problem part of the future; truth makes a problem part of the past.”
I remember working once with a building contractor who was unbelievably upfront and open about the challenges he faced, even the mistakes he had made on our project. He took responsibility for the mistakes. He gave such consistent, complete financial accounting, along with all the options we could take at various stages of construction, that I absolutely and instinctively trusted the man and relied on his word from then on. I knew that, if anything, he would put our interests ahead of his own. His willingness to put his integrity and our relationship above his pride and natural desire to hide his mistakes and avoid embarrassment formed an unusual bond of trust between us. That trust earned him a great deal of business.
KINDNESSES AND COURTESIES
With people, little things are the big things. I once had a student come to me at the end of the semester and essentially say after praising the class, “Dr. Cover, you are an expert in human relations, but you don’t even know my name.”
He was right. I was chagrined, embarrassed and properly chastened. I have to deal with my tendency to submerge myself in intellectual conceptualization, task orientation and efficiency all the time. You see, until relationships are strong and purposes are shared, that efficiency is ineffective, particularly with insecure, “high-maintenance” people. Not so with things. Things have no feelings. People do, even so-called big people, VIP’s. Small courtesies and kindnesses given consistently yield huge dividends.
On the other hand, people see through superficial, “kind” techniques and know when they are being manipulated. Often when I speak to children at home or school, I tell them that if they will learn and use four expressions (totaling only 10 words) sincerely and consistently, they can get what they want in most cases.
One word— “Please.”
Two words—“Thank you.”
Three words—“I love you.”
Four words—“How may I help?”
Adults are big children.
THINKING WIN-WIN OR NO DEAL
Win-lose thinking is the underlying assumption of almost all negotiations and problem solving. It comes from society’s scarcity mindset, which says the more the other guy wins or gets, the less there is for me. The goal is to get what you want—which usually means figuring out how to manipulate or gain the advantage over the other guy to get him to concede as much as possible. Many try to work out differences with others, even family members, in the same way. Both parties battle it out until one concedes or they settle on a compromise. I remember making a presentation in which I taught the idea that the key to breaking out of this win-lose mindset is to become emotionally and mentally settled on championing the other party’s “win” as much as your own. It requires courage, abundant thinking and great creativity to not settle on anything that has a compromise for either party. I taught that a further key was to begin with a No Deal option. In fact, until No deal is a viable option in your own mind, that is, until you are totally prepared to go for No Deal, to walk away, to agree to disagree agreeably until both parties actually feel it is a win for them, you’ll find yourself manipulating and often pressuring or intimidating others to go along with your win. But when No Deal is truly a viable option, you can honestly say to the other, “Unless this is a true win for you and you deeply and sincerely feel it, and unless it’s a true win for me and I deeply and sincerely feel it, let’s agree right now to go for “No Deal.” That process is so liberating, so freeing, and it requires such a combination of humility and kindness with strength and courage that once it is truly hammered out, both parties are transformed; such intense bonding takes place that afterward they will always be loyal to each other in each other’s absence.
You’ll notice that the power of this Think Win-Win or No Deal deposit lies in the initial willingness to sacrifice—to suspend your own interests long enough to understand what the other person wants most, and why, so you can then go to work together on a new, creative solution that encompasses both of your interests.
CLARIFYING EXPECTATIONS
Clarifying expectations is really a combination of all the other deposits mentioned because of the amount of mutual understanding and respect required to drive such communication, particularly when it is about clarifying expectations about roles and goals. If you study the underlying roots of almost all communication breakdowns, or broken, sick cultures, you’ll find they come from either ambiguous or broken expectations around roles and goals: in other words, who is to do what role and what are the high-priority goals of those roles.
A FINAL WORD ON TRUST
Trust is not the only fruit of trustworthiness; it is also the root of motivation. It is the highest form of motivation. Love also becomes a verb. It is something you do; you love or serve others; you trust others; you see their worth and potential and provide opportunity, nourishment and encouragement. If they do not live true to this trust, it will deteriorate, and they will not be inspired to see their own worth and potential. They won’t have the ability to communicate to others their worth and potential. Remember the power you hold to give your trust to others. You may open yourself to the risk of being disappointed, and you will need to be wise in the exercise of this power. But when you do, you give a priceless gift, an opportunity to others. The greatest risk of all is the risk of riskless living.
This article is adapted from Stephen R. Covey’s book, The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness.
Copyright ©2004 by FranklinCovey Co. Published by FREE PRESS, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
“Trust is the glue of life. When trust is present, mistakes are forgiven and forgotten.”
--Stephen R. Covey
WHEN WE SEEK TO EXPAND OUR INFLUENCE AND INSPIRE OTHERS TO FIND THEIR VOICE, we move into a world of relationships. Building strong relationships not only requires a character foundation of inner security, abundance and personal moral authority, it also involves stretching ourselves in developing vital new interpersonal skills that will make us equal to the challenges we face with others.
Almost all of the work of the world is done through relationships with people and in organizations. But what is communication like when there is no trust? It’s impossible. It’s like walking through a minefield. What if your communication is clear and precise, yet there is no trust? You’ll always be looking for hidden meanings and a hidden agenda. A lack of trust is the very definition of a bad relationship. In the words of my son Stephen, “Low trust is the great hidden tax.” In fact, this hidden tax is greater than all taxes and interest combined--- hidden and unhidden!
What is communication like when there is high trust? It’s easy; it’s effortless; it’s instantaneous. What about when there is high trust and you make mistakes? They hardly matter. People know you. “Don’t worry about it, I understand.” “Forget it. I know what you mean. I know you.” No technology ever devised can do that. Perhaps, in a sense, this is why the heart is more important than the brain. Someone may be brain-dead, but if their heart is still pumping they live on; when your heart is dead, you’re dead.
As my son Stephen says, “Nothing is as fast as the speed of trust.” It’s faster than anything you can think about. It’s faster than the internet, for when trust is present, mistakes are forgiven and forgotten. Trust is the glue of life. It is the glue that holds organizations, cultures and relationships together. Ironically, it comes from the speed of going slow. With people, fast is slow and slow is fast.
MORAL AUTHORITY AND THE SPEED OF TRUST
Relationships are governed by natural laws. Enduring trust in a relationship cannot be faked, and is rarely produced by a dramatic, one-time effort. It is the fruit of regular actions inspired by the conscience and the heart. In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I introduced a metaphor for trust called the Emotional Bank Account. It is like a financial bank account into which you make deposits and withdrawals---only in this case, you make emotional deposits and withdrawals in your relationships that either build or destroy them. Like any metaphor, it has its limitations. But generally it is a powerful and simple way of communicating the quality of a relationship.
There are 10 key deposits and withdrawals we can make with others that, in my experience, have a profound impact on the level of trust in our relationships. It also lists the sacrifices required and principles embodied in each deposit.
It’s important to recognize that the reason the 10 deposits build trust is that they embody principles central to human relationships. When you study each of those 10 deposits, what would you say are the common elements? I suggest that one common denominator of the deposits is initiative, which is made of willpower and determination. You’ll notice that every one of them lies within your own power to do. Every one of them lies within your own ability to influence. Because they are based on principles, they produce moral authority or trust. You can see how there is no way you can make those deposits, exercise that courage, that initiative, that determination, without the ability to do the “20 emotional personal push-ups” at the personal level.
What is the second common characteristic of the deposits? I suggest it’s the absence of selfishness and the presence of humility. It’s the willingness to subordinate oneself to another person, to a principle, or to a higher cause. It’s realizing that life is not just about me and mine; using the words of the philosopher Martin Buber, it’s about “I and Thou”—feeling profound reverence for the worth and potential of every person.
Moral authority, trust and bonding can evaporate over time in the absence of making continual deposits, particularly with people we work and live around all the time. This is so because their expectations are so much higher. With people we haven’t seen for years, we can often pick up where we left off. The trust and bonding and love are restored immediately because there are simply no expectations of continual depositing.
A third common characteristic is that, like most worthwhile things in life, they require a sacrifice. (Remember, a good definition of sacrifice is giving up something--even something for good—for something better.) If you are already familiar with the emotional bank account, I encourage you to see it here with new eyes and open yourself to new insights that will enable you to find your voice and inspire others to find theirs. You’ll notice that each deposit represents a choice to use your birth gifts in an effort to sacrifice an ineffective personal habit and replace it with an action that builds moral authority in relationships with others.
SEEKING FIRST TO UNDERSTAND
Why would “seek first to understand” be the first deposit? One simple reason: You do not know what a deposit is to another person until you understand them from their frame of reference. What may be high-level deposit to you may be a low-level deposit to another, or even a withdrawal. What may be an important promise to you may be unimportant to another. How you express your honesty, openness, kindness and courtesy may be perceived completely differently when seen by others through their unique cultural or personal filters. While the underlying principles of each deposit hold true in every situation, it requires an understanding of others within their frame of reference to know how to specifically implement the practice.
MAKING AND KEEPING PROMISES
Nothing destroys trust faster than making and breaking a promise. Conversely, nothing builds and strengthens trust more than keeping a promise you make.
It’s easy to make a promise. A promise usually satisfies another quickly—particularly when they are stressed or anxious about something they need you to fix. When they’re happy with the promise, they like you. And we like to be liked.
That which we desire most earnestly we believe most easily. All kinds of people are suckered into deals and agreements because they want something so badly they’ll believe almost any explanation, story or promise of getting it. They turn a blind eye to negative information and go on in their believing.
But promise-keeping is hard. It usually involves a painful sacrificial process—especially when the pleasant promise-making mood passes or when hard realities descend or circumstances change. I’ve trained myself to never (“never say never”) use the word promise unless I’m totally prepared to pay whatever the price is to keep it, especially with my children. They’ve often begged me to say “promise.” Then they would feel at peace knowing I would come through—almost as if they had whatever they wanted now. But, many times I was sorely tempted to say “I promise” just to satisfy them quickly and keep the peace at the moment. “I’ll try” or “it’s my goal” or “I hope to” wouldn’t satisfy. Only “I promise.”
Occasionally, when circumstances outside my control changed, I would ask my children to understand and relieve me of the promise. In most cases they understood and relieved me. But my younger children usually didn’t understand. Even though they said they did and freed me of the promise intellectually, they really didn’t emotionally. So I kept the promise unless it was very unwise to do so. In such cases I would have to temporarily live with the diminished trust and try to rebuild it slowly in other ways.
HONESTY AND INTEGRITY
Basketball coaching legend Rick Pitino captured the principle of honesty simply and profoundly: “Lying makes a problem part of the future; truth makes a problem part of the past.”
I remember working once with a building contractor who was unbelievably upfront and open about the challenges he faced, even the mistakes he had made on our project. He took responsibility for the mistakes. He gave such consistent, complete financial accounting, along with all the options we could take at various stages of construction, that I absolutely and instinctively trusted the man and relied on his word from then on. I knew that, if anything, he would put our interests ahead of his own. His willingness to put his integrity and our relationship above his pride and natural desire to hide his mistakes and avoid embarrassment formed an unusual bond of trust between us. That trust earned him a great deal of business.
KINDNESSES AND COURTESIES
With people, little things are the big things. I once had a student come to me at the end of the semester and essentially say after praising the class, “Dr. Cover, you are an expert in human relations, but you don’t even know my name.”
He was right. I was chagrined, embarrassed and properly chastened. I have to deal with my tendency to submerge myself in intellectual conceptualization, task orientation and efficiency all the time. You see, until relationships are strong and purposes are shared, that efficiency is ineffective, particularly with insecure, “high-maintenance” people. Not so with things. Things have no feelings. People do, even so-called big people, VIP’s. Small courtesies and kindnesses given consistently yield huge dividends.
On the other hand, people see through superficial, “kind” techniques and know when they are being manipulated. Often when I speak to children at home or school, I tell them that if they will learn and use four expressions (totaling only 10 words) sincerely and consistently, they can get what they want in most cases.
One word— “Please.”
Two words—“Thank you.”
Three words—“I love you.”
Four words—“How may I help?”
Adults are big children.
THINKING WIN-WIN OR NO DEAL
Win-lose thinking is the underlying assumption of almost all negotiations and problem solving. It comes from society’s scarcity mindset, which says the more the other guy wins or gets, the less there is for me. The goal is to get what you want—which usually means figuring out how to manipulate or gain the advantage over the other guy to get him to concede as much as possible. Many try to work out differences with others, even family members, in the same way. Both parties battle it out until one concedes or they settle on a compromise. I remember making a presentation in which I taught the idea that the key to breaking out of this win-lose mindset is to become emotionally and mentally settled on championing the other party’s “win” as much as your own. It requires courage, abundant thinking and great creativity to not settle on anything that has a compromise for either party. I taught that a further key was to begin with a No Deal option. In fact, until No deal is a viable option in your own mind, that is, until you are totally prepared to go for No Deal, to walk away, to agree to disagree agreeably until both parties actually feel it is a win for them, you’ll find yourself manipulating and often pressuring or intimidating others to go along with your win. But when No Deal is truly a viable option, you can honestly say to the other, “Unless this is a true win for you and you deeply and sincerely feel it, and unless it’s a true win for me and I deeply and sincerely feel it, let’s agree right now to go for “No Deal.” That process is so liberating, so freeing, and it requires such a combination of humility and kindness with strength and courage that once it is truly hammered out, both parties are transformed; such intense bonding takes place that afterward they will always be loyal to each other in each other’s absence.
You’ll notice that the power of this Think Win-Win or No Deal deposit lies in the initial willingness to sacrifice—to suspend your own interests long enough to understand what the other person wants most, and why, so you can then go to work together on a new, creative solution that encompasses both of your interests.
CLARIFYING EXPECTATIONS
Clarifying expectations is really a combination of all the other deposits mentioned because of the amount of mutual understanding and respect required to drive such communication, particularly when it is about clarifying expectations about roles and goals. If you study the underlying roots of almost all communication breakdowns, or broken, sick cultures, you’ll find they come from either ambiguous or broken expectations around roles and goals: in other words, who is to do what role and what are the high-priority goals of those roles.
A FINAL WORD ON TRUST
Trust is not the only fruit of trustworthiness; it is also the root of motivation. It is the highest form of motivation. Love also becomes a verb. It is something you do; you love or serve others; you trust others; you see their worth and potential and provide opportunity, nourishment and encouragement. If they do not live true to this trust, it will deteriorate, and they will not be inspired to see their own worth and potential. They won’t have the ability to communicate to others their worth and potential. Remember the power you hold to give your trust to others. You may open yourself to the risk of being disappointed, and you will need to be wise in the exercise of this power. But when you do, you give a priceless gift, an opportunity to others. The greatest risk of all is the risk of riskless living.
This article is adapted from Stephen R. Covey’s book, The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness.
Copyright ©2004 by FranklinCovey Co. Published by FREE PRESS, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
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